Posted by Xavier on July 25, 2005 at 20:36:38:
Top Ten Ways You Know You're In a Bad Church
10.The church bus has gun racks.
9. The church staff consists of Senior Pastor, Associate Pastor and Socio-pastor.
8. The Bible they use is the "Dr. Seuss Version."
7. There's an ATM in the lobby.
6. Choir wears leather robes.
5. Worship services are B.Y.O.S. -- "Bring Your Own Snake."
4. No cover charge, but communion is a two-drink minimum.
3. Karaoke Worship Time.
2. Ushers ask, "Smoking or Non-smoking?"
1. The only song the organist knows is "In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida."
"Top Ten Reasons You Should Tithe"
10. Your church started a new stewardship drive -- every time you give, your chances of winning increase!
9. The choir has started wearing their bathrobes during the service.
8. The last few Sunday's the Treasurer has gotten up half way through the service and turned the heat off.
7. The Preacher has worn the same suit every Sunday for the past three years.
6. The Deacons are starting to drool and growl as they collect the offering!
5. The offering plates have been sold and replaced with ice cream buckets.
4. The Treasurer has started wearing sackcloth and ashes!
3. You tried to call the Church Office last week but found that the phone's been disconnected!
2. Parking meters had to be installed in the church parking lot.
1. As a Christian you understand the privilege it is to have a partnership in the Gospel!