Posted by cav on November 20, 2005 at 10:16:47:
In Reply to: Re: asking for some advice...or at least experience posted by pj on November 20, 2005 at 07:07:06:
: : Have you ever known anyone who just has this habit of poisoning your thoughts? I know a couple people who have this ability (rest assured it is no one who reads this board). I don't think they do it on purpose; I really think they think they are trying to help. But they wait until I am alone and then start with this, "well you know what I've noticed about 'anyone'..." and, "I've seen that before and it means 'whatever'." The thing is it's always something negative that I should "watch out for". And then when I get around the person they talked about I keep noticing how the "advice" seems accurate, and I can't interact with them in the way I did before knowing that. The thing is, I think it's like reading a horoscope...you know, how it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. And even if it's true, said in that context it isn't going to help anyone, it only creates division.
: : The last time it happened I said to the person, "why are you telling me this...take it up with them!" And they replied as you'd expect, "oh, I can't, that would only hurt them/ drive a wedge/ whatever other nonsense."
: : So in short, I don't know the motivation and I don't want to speculate, suffice to say I can't beleive they are just trying to be evil. I know them too well. But I can't keep listening to this. Further, I've tried discussing it with them and these are the kind of people who will not hear any kind of calm airing of concerns. They immediately take it as an attack and it turns into a full scale confrontation.
: : So my question for everyone is how can I keep this stuff out of my head in a situation where I can't always realistically avoid being around the people? I mean I'm doing ok, and recognition of the poison is the biggest part, but I don't want to go off on them and that is my tendency when I've had enough of this kind of evil...which it is at the root. I don't think the people are trying to be evil, but the insidious nature of these comments IS evil.
: : Have you been there? How do you handle it?
: John, in a lot of cases I have had to come to the point where they say they can't talk to the person, I have to be blunt and say well, please don;t talk to me about it then, we have our own way of loving to gossip and slander all in the name of Jesus and we like to justify it, hey I have even been Plankeye on this myself but have really tried to determine in my heart if I have a problem with someone and can't say anything to them, then I just need to shut my mouth. The first thing I always try to say, if you have not talked to them, then there is really no reason to talk to me, then if they insist on keeping it up, I usually say well lets call the person right now and I will go there with you, I usually find that nips it in the but right there, drop me a line back
: PJ
I hear you. I think we need to be firm in this. And the idea of calling the person in right then sounds good. It's amazing how we can justify ourselves when we want to talk about someone. I've heard some good ones...and made some good ones. It's kind of scary to think how what I've said might have poisoned someone else's mind like I'm having to deal with. It's kind of like trying to fight your way out of mud pit. (if you've ever sunk in one of those nice nasty holes in the swamp you know what I mean.) You just end up getting dirtier the harder you try to get out. And it's real easy to sling it on everyone. I guess that's why Christ had to die and we along with him. The only way out is to quit fighting and let it all go...to pass through death so we can come out new.