Posted by giveawayboy on November 20, 2005 at 22:30:57:
In Reply to: Re: asking for some advice...or at least experience posted by PS on November 20, 2005 at 19:28:37:
: : : Have you ever known anyone who just has this habit of poisoning your thoughts? I know a couple people who have this ability (rest assured it is no one who reads this board). I don't think they do it on purpose; I really think they think they are trying to help. But they wait until I am alone and then start with this, "well you know what I've noticed about 'anyone'..." and, "I've seen that before and it means 'whatever'." The thing is it's always something negative that I should "watch out for". And then when I get around the person they talked about I keep noticing how the "advice" seems accurate, and I can't interact with them in the way I did before knowing that. The thing is, I think it's like reading a horoscope...you know, how it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. And even if it's true, said in that context it isn't going to help anyone, it only creates division.
: : : The last time it happened I said to the person, "why are you telling me this...take it up with them!" And they replied as you'd expect, "oh, I can't, that would only hurt them/ drive a wedge/ whatever other nonsense."
: : : So in short, I don't know the motivation and I don't want to speculate, suffice to say I can't beleive they are just trying to be evil. I know them too well. But I can't keep listening to this. Further, I've tried discussing it with them and these are the kind of people who will not hear any kind of calm airing of concerns. They immediately take it as an attack and it turns into a full scale confrontation.
: : : So my question for everyone is how can I keep this stuff out of my head in a situation where I can't always realistically avoid being around the people? I mean I'm doing ok, and recognition of the poison is the biggest part, but I don't want to go off on them and that is my tendency when I've had enough of this kind of evil...which it is at the root. I don't think the people are trying to be evil, but the insidious nature of these comments IS evil.
: : : Have you been there? How do you handle it?
: : John, in a lot of cases I have had to come to the point where they say they can't talk to the person, I have to be blunt and say well, please don;t talk to me about it then, we have our own way of loving to gossip and slander all in the name of Jesus and we like to justify it, hey I have even been Plankeye on this myself but have really tried to determine in my heart if I have a problem with someone and can't say anything to them, then I just need to shut my mouth. The first thing I always try to say, if you have not talked to them, then there is really no reason to talk to me, then if they insist on keeping it up, I usually say well lets call the person right now and I will go there with you, I usually find that nips it in the but right there, drop me a line back
: : PJ
: Good stuff (all of you).
: When I buried my father at Arlington, his boss for decades (a government bigwig in D.C.) had written a memorial to him. One of the things that really impacted me was his statement that in all the years he had worked with my father, he had never heard him speak evil of anyone. Lord knows he had good reason to do so on many occassions, yet he did not. And he did not do it as a rule, that is, as a fundamental precept he refused to violate.
: I had a friend in So. Cal that played guitar for Precious Death. Dave was nearly famous for refusing to hear evil spoken about anyone. If you said something that seemed deprecatory, he would raise his hands and firmly proclaim, "I don't want to hear about it." I thought it was great, even when he did it to me. And you know what, most people just stopped saying things like that around him, because they did not like being cut off by him before they could make their derogatory point.
: It is quite easy to justify the need to provide certain information "in love" or "as a burden" or "to hold up in prayer" or some such nonsense. But to shut the mouth seems to be an impossible goal for many well-meaning people. I appreciate both the amazing testimony of lives lived refusing to speak evil and refusing to hear it. I am working to emulate their godly example. I am not even close yet, but I am making progress.
: God help us all.
Wonderful comments Steve. Actually your father's example is one which I have often remembered. It helps me to think of it like this. Your father, though human, and imperfect, shines marvelously bright. If only one person saw it, and CHRONICLED it, he shines all the brighter. I feel like the power that shines through your father is something to point to and say, THAT'S IT! Not your father as a thing in himself, but the POWER WHO is in your father. In your father's mystical union with God, he now shines like the sun in glory, as he did in this life. What treasure is placed in eathly vessels. I will continue to see your father, along with Win, my grandmother and so many others in the great cloud of witnesses, and I will continue to be sustained and encouraged by their real presence in my life through Christ our Lord.