Posted by cav on March 20, 2005 at 07:09:35:
In Reply to: logos katastrofi posted by PS on March 20, 2005 at 04:32:55:
WEll, following the first hour of pouring my heart out which was lost in an instant, I then spent 20 minutes beating my head into the plaster trying to make a nice dome shaped hole...only to realize I was right over a stud...ohh the vanity!
No not really. Actually it wasn't the first time. I just gave up. I figure that all I said was probably just intended for me to hear myself, and no one else really needed to hear it...ironically most of the post centered on learning to accept my intellectual and spiritual limitations and rest in Jesus to accomplish his purposes in spite of myself. Kinda freaky huh! But oh yeah...I keep forgetting he can actually read all this stuff I post...duh...LIVING PERSONAL God...
Anyway, all that was left was an attempt at opening humor that when left alone seems to stand out starkly as a too-personal jab. But in reality I want to thank you for being so open about your flaws. The rest of us, especially those raised in apologetic-rich Evangelical churches are no less flawed, it's just that to our many deep-seated and secret sins we add the keen ability to pass ourselves off as well-rounded and reasonably decent individuals. Thus becoming far dimmer examples to anyone we might actually try to reach, and in the worst cases driving people from God altogether with our hypocrisy. I myself am personally guilty of all of these things. So once again, thanks for being so blatantly you. It only speaks to your honesty.
: : And lest you get a big head, it's all in spite of yourself really ;)
: You could not be any more on target. I am so intimately acquainted with my flaws that I can only hope they are there to assure humility someday when I might be successful enough to need it. ;-)
:
: : Dear God.... I just spent more than an hour typing a heart felt and personal response to the rest of your post, and then as I tried to clear some of the clutter below it, I accidentally erased the whole of it below this point... it is in an instant evaporated into cyberspace with no way to recall it... what a testament to the futility of our own thinking...
: : I think I have to go meditate on this in silence for a few minutes...that or beat a hole in the wall with my head...I'll let you know how it goes.
: I have been there!!! Good Lord, it is not only deeply frustrating, but it is for me a disturbing mix of contrary anxieties. On the one hand, I honestly feel like I said something important and it is just fundamentally WRONG that it should be invalidated in one brief accidental keystroke. On the other hand, I feel like I must be far too stuck on myself to take so seriously the loss of my words on an internet bulletin board. On the third hand (I am a mutant after such catastrophes), I wonder whether the second time around will be clearer and more compelling for the forced rethinking of it all, or whether I will get done and lament the loss of the prophetic verve that existed in the first edition. Then (you guessed it) on the fourth hand (I am looking more and more like a Hindu avatar), I wonder if I should just give it up. Sometimes my schedule makes that decision for me--no time to do it over. And I leave for my job or class feeling raped and pillaged, perplexed by the grave injustices in the universe and pondering theodicy.
: Now the only thing better than me so identifying with your crisis of logos katastrofi would be accidentally losing this post also. ;-)