Posted by jonvon on March 15, 2005 at 19:17:13:
In Reply to: something new posted by cav on March 15, 2005 at 03:22:33:
thanks john, this is more encouraging than you can possibly know. i have to admit i have felt extremely lost, especially just the last few days. i was at a funeral today that was very quiet, subdued, but almost blinding in power. it was as though i faded before it, whitewashed in some way, like i was becoming one with a white wall behind me. like i was disappearing. but dissapearing in a wash of power. a big scary wash that kicked my ass.
i vacillate sometimes between thinking i finally know who i am, and realizing i am as blind as ever, or moreso than ever. christianity is a tricky one because it is so powerful. there is individual power and then there is something else. something external, but i feel it within.
am i making less sense now? i have no idea what i'm saying. if you find me in the trees, let me know will you? my breadcrumb trail seems to have been eaten by the birds.
yes i am angry. there is no place for the shaman in christianity. a few lonely hermits here and there i guess, but who wants to know about them? no one, they are sad stupid losers. they go off and they are silent and they take their wisdom, which is highly suspect anyway, to the grave.